Cough, hack, wheeze! Chocobo Cough Farm
by Kaldea Akutenshi
Summary: Oh, Holy Jesus on a pogo stick waving 10 dollar in da air, it's insane, disgusting, rude and should not, I repeat, SHOULD NOT be read by those under 17! *evil chuckle* I think that guarantees me a few readers then! ^_^ *smugness* Please R&R!!
1. Default Chapter

COCKABO FARM  
  
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!  
  
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon  
  
Rated-R for the criminally insane  
  
Wonderful Cockabo: WARKKKK!!! WARRRRRKKKKK!!!! WAARRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!  
  
Cid: Argh, you little bastard come here!!!  
  
Wonderful Cock: WAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Give 'em the Salt N Roasted Nuts!!!  
  
Cid: AHH YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! FUCK ME!!! DAMN! WHOA!!!  
  
Cloud: Looks like it's the breeding season again. After saving the world, we're famous and everyone wants a piece of us. This Cockabo crossbreeding scheme is a stupid idea, Aeris, I tell ya.  
  
Aeris: Mmmm..... I'm getting a deja vu....  
  
Cloud: Hmmmm!?!  
  
Aeris: With Red.....hmmmm...  
  
Cloud: HUH???  
  
Aeris: Oh, err...its nothing..Tee-hee.... Never mind....  
  
Cloud: Er..Yeah...  
  
Cid: Huh? You guys say something?  
  
Cloud: NOTHING! IT'S NOTHING!  
  
Cid: Hhmmmmm, YEP THAT'S IT BABY!!!  
  
Aeris: THAT LOOKS FUN!!!  
  
Cockabo: KARRKKKKKK!!!!!!!  
  
5 seconds later a Cockabo was born.... it was cute, fluffy and had a cigarette hanging out of its mouth and looked remarkably like Cid!  
  
Aeris: EKK! ITS UGLY!  
  
Cloud: ..........................Er.................  
  
Cid: YOU do better then BITCH!  
  
Aeris: Fine I will, I'm an expert when it comes to this.  
  
Cid: It's cute...., don't listen to her.......I'll call you Marlboro....  
  
Aeris: You can't name it after a brand of cigarettes!!!!  
  
Cid: I'll name it what I fuckin' want, woman!  
  
Unfortunately for the Cockabo it inherited Cids smoking problems and died minutes later from breathing difficulties.  
  
Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: That would explain why it was black.....outside and in I guess......  
  
Aeris looked at it sympathetically.  
  
Aeris: Oh well, my turn!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy nodded his head at Aeris, as if to say that he was ready to send in another Cockabo. Aeris got down on all fours and lifted her behind high into the air. She turned round to Cockabo Bullocks Billy and gave him a big grin. Cockabo Bollocks Billy was just about to send in his prized Cockabo, "Thruster A.K.A Big Floppy Donkey Dick" when one of Cockabo Bollocks Billy aides interrupted.  
  
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps managed to round up another one of those F.F.7. characters. I'll bring him in, shall I?  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Yeah, sure. Sorry Aeris you're gonna have to wait for a bit. Sorry, love.  
  
Aeris: Damn....I was gonna show you my experience in these affairs, Cloud. Oh well, you'll just have to marvel at my superior skills later you little prick.  
  
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Gramps says his names Barret. He's a BIG ol' guy.  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Should be good breeding stock then! *Chuckle* Right, Cloud, Aeris, Cid. I'm sure you've met Barret before.  
  
Cloud: Hey, how ya doin'?  
  
Barret: Good, good. Don't like this breeding shit ya know.  
  
Aeris: Yeah, I know. You'll grow to enjoy it. Cockabo Billy pays us well. You know a bit of hay to lie on, a few greens, bit of water and 10 minutes exercise each day. He treats us well.  
  
Cloud: Yeah but this cage does my head in.  
  
Barret: Who's that over there?  
  
Aeris: Oh that's Sephiroth....  
  
Barret: What? GEESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK!  
  
Cloud: Don't worry, he won't harm ya. After meteor he just clammed up. He just sits in his cage all day, mumbling and playing with his sword....  
  
Aeris: *Still with her behind in the air* EXCUSE ME!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: OOOPS sorry....  
  
Barret: What's that fishy smell?  
  
Cloud: Its just Aeris....You get used to it.  
  
Aeris: SHUT IT! I feel sorry for your Cockabo...being soooo small and all. You'll be at it till the next breeding season.  
  
Cloud: ...Aeris...don't shout.... They might hear you!  
  
Cockabo Jiggerly Jilly: Pssst, Aeris what did you say?  
  
Aeris: Oh, ask Sephiroth I'm sure he'll tell you....  
  
*Cockabo strolls over to Aeris, does a little dance and does his business*  
  
Aeris: OOH! Your SOOOOO much BETTER than Cloud...  
  
Cockabo: KARRRKKKKK!  
  
Aeris: MMMM...you are SOOOOO much better than Cloud. Oh your SOOO BIG! AHHHHH YES harder, faster, faster, harder! LOOK! LOOK! Cloud he's SOOOO BIG he's making me scream out in pain!  
  
Cloud: SHU, SHU.... SHUT UP!!! You don't know what its like, none of you!!! *Cue sad violin music*  
  
Cloud: Everyday when I need to visit the bathroom I have to take out my tweezers and try to grab what little piece of manhood I have. And if that isn't humiliating enough I have to use a magnifying glass just to find the damned thing in the first place. OH THE SHAME!!! (SOB, SOB) I can't take this any....  
  
Aeris: AHH YESSS!!! Cloud shut yer spiky ass, fuckface up before you go into one of your schizophrenic moods again.  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: WHAT?!!!! WHAT?!!!  
  
Aeris & Cloud: Ahh, its nothing.  
  
Aeris: Just joking around.... Ahem  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Better be. Can't have no defect Cockabos running around.  
  
????: Move yer Big Hairyass outta the way yer bitch. Ahh, geez, fuck me what is that God-awful smell!?? Oh its you...every time you open those legs of yours.... God the stench is worse than the bloody fishmongers.  
  
Aeris: Least I open my legs...TIFA. Cockabo Billy, you'll have to use a car jack to prise her legs open if you want Cockabos from that FRIGID BITCH.  
  
Tifa: Well some of us have some respect.....I have limits...  
  
Aeris: Shame they didn't limit your breast size...poor Cockabo wont be able to tell your arse from your breasts their SOOOO BIG AND TIGHT!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT UP! Or ill be forced to keep you permanently apart forever!  
  
Tifa: Good! Cause the smell would kill me!  
  
Aeris: That's fine with me! Its cramped as it is...the last thing I want is a.... TONNE OF SILICONE in my face!!!  
  
Tifa: SILICONE?!! WHY I OUGHTTA...  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Tifa get over to that Blue Cockabo and start spreading your fucking legs. I gotta lot of stress just lately meeting these orders for F.F.7. characters crossed with Cockabos. Now fucking get over there NOW!!!  
  
Tifa: Ookay....o_0;;  
  
Tifa went over to her stable and waved her behind enticingly at the Cockabo. The Cockabo looked at her strangely.  
  
Aeris: HA, HA, the poor thing probably can't figure out where ta put it. It probably thinks Tifa's front is her behind due to the fact that her tits look like a massive pair of cow udders.  
  
*POP* Aeris gave birth.  
  
Aeris: Ahh, there it goes. Ahh it's all pink and fluffy. Ahh, it's even got flowers in its hair.  
  
Cid: Erm, Aeris your Cockabo looks a little fucked up.  
  
Aeris: What do you mean, she's pretty, pink, girly...  
  
Cid: And very camp.....  
  
Aeris: WHAT!!!  
  
Cid: Look at the bullocks on that fuckin' thing!!!  
  
Aeris: AHH, SHIT! Oh well. You gotta have a gay character somewhere in the story for all the yaoi fanfic readers out there, I suppose. Hey Cloud!!! YOO-HOO!!! *points at the very camp cockabo* Now there's what you call a nice chunky piece of manhood, you pubescent little prick!!!  
  
Cloud: Shut it or Ill tell em. LA, LA, LA-LA!!!!! Hey Aeris ever heard the saying lie with dogs and you'll get fleas?!!! Literally speaking for you wasn't it?!!!  
  
Aeris: Don't you dare say anything about RED Xlll!!!  
  
Cloud: Ohh itchy, itchy. Ooooh gotta scratch right down there ooooohhhh that's sooo much better...  
  
Aeris: QUIET, YOU LITTLE SHIT!  
  
All of a sudden Yuffie ran through the barn doors.  
  
Yuffie: Heard ya looking for F.F.7 characters Cockabo Billy. ^_^  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: That's Cockabo BULLOCKS Billy!!! _x  
  
Yuffie: Oh, er well I should warn ya I don't come cheap. ^_^ KACHING!!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy looked at Yuffie's desperation for cash amusedly.  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Why have you got a mattress strapped to your back, Yuffie...? Or shouldn't I ask... .;  
  
Yuffie: Times are hard. I gotta take what I can. You never know when an opportunity might arise. Hell I'm even charging my own father a cent nowadays....  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: Ookay....just get to work Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie ran over to the available Cockabos and shouted in her annoying Chinese voice.....  
  
Yuffie: 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! SUCKY, SUCKY, 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!! ME SHOW YOU GOOD TIME!!! 10 DOLLAR!!! 10 DOLLAR!!!  
  
After a long hard day of breeding, Cockabo Bullocks Billy hadn't ended up with a good result. Cid's Cockabo died of lung cancer through smoking, Aeris turned out to be a pink fluffy pussy of a man and Yuffie had scared the males halfway to death with her antics.  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: GEEZ, what am I gonna do? I need a good supply to sell to the public.  
  
Tifa: Mine turned out all right. Okay so it falls flat on its face sometimes because of the sheer enormity of its breasts. But it's a fair representation of me. ^_^;  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: One Cockabo isn't enough...I NEED MORE!!!! _X  
  
Barret: No you need more F.F.7. characters. Lemme see. You got me, Tifa, Aeris, Cloud, Cid, Yuffie and Sephiroth. So ya need just Cait Sith and Vincent now.  
  
Cloud: And not forgetting Red XIII!!!! HA, HA, TEE-HEE!!!  
  
Aeris glared evilly at Cloud, with homicidal thoughts running through her head.  
  
Tifa: I don't think you should bother looking for Cait Sith, he's just a puppet after all. I WOULD ALSO SAY A "no, no" to Vincent as he always dies in these fanfics so any offspring from him would have short lifespans. However, Red XIII's should be interesting.  
  
Aeris shifted and twitched nervously as the conversation went on.  
  
Yuffie: Its funny you should mention him. I saw this ugly son of a bitch on the T.V. the other day. He was a half dog, half-human beast plugging F.F.7. Merchandise.  
  
Cloud: MWA HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: God, he's gonna steal my business. The little cock sucker! I AM COCKABO BULLOCKS BILLY, KING OF F.F.7. MERCHANDISE!  
  
Cloud could barely contain his laughter and the secret no more, biting his lip in frustration.....  
  
Barret: Cloud, are you O.K.? You look kinda constipated.  
  
Cloud: ......MMM....No that's not it! Hee.....hee....hee...HAAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!  
  
Barret: O.K..........  
  
Aeris: Cloud shut the fuck up! You say nuthin you little weeeeed. Shut yer scrawny tight ass, little dick....  
  
Cloud: Right that's it!! I'm gonna tell em. I've held back until now! I've had enough of yer bitching. My minuscule dick is nothing compared to what happened to you at Hojo's lab.  
  
Everyone: HUH?!!!!! *Gasp! Shock! Horror!*  
  
Cloud: Back when we had to rescue you from Hojo's lab after the plate fell on Sector 7, you were in a tank with Red XIII. Hojo wanted to breed you two together for the purpose of his sick experiments and his own sex crazed mind. At the time, we thought we had rescued you before Red XIII impregnated you. However, when we shared a bed together at the Gold Saucer....  
  
Aeris: YEAH, BITCH, when I found out you had a small penis! God, when you fell asleep I had to satisfy MYSELF! God I was so horny that night!  
  
Aeris starts singing...."A FINGER OF FUDGE, IS JUST ENOUGH...."  
  
Cloud: SHUDDAP!!! Don't turn the attention away from me. I haven't finished washing all of your dirty linen in public just yet.... Anyway, AS I was saying. When you and me shared a bed, we indulged in a little pillow talk. YOU told me that you were getting these flash backs recently. You said that Hojo had given you a Roofie the night before. You said that you had begun to remember Red XIII giving it to you doggie style a number of times. Then a few months later you told me, after the Temple of the Ancients that you had to piss off for a while. That was to have your half dog, half Aeris freak of nature wasn't it?! Then after having the freak you still couldn't come back. You caught pubic lice from Red XIII, YOU LITTLE BITCH! So then you bumped into Sephiroth.....  
  
Aeris: Yes, Its true... IT'S ALL TRUE! *Sob, Sob*. Sephiroth sat me down and put a sympathetic arm around me and said that he had encountered S.T.D. problems most of his life. He gave me some "Rid Pubic Lice" lotion and told me to apply it liberally twice each day to my nether regions. He said "You should get a loofah and give it a real good scrub. Oh, and remember always wipe front to back. Very important". Then I exclaimed, "Sephy...you can't just leave me just yet! How can I go back to the group now?!!! We don't have enough time on our quest chasing after you to apply "Rid Pubic Lice" lotions!!! Then he said "Geez, don't ya have time to every morning, get a manicure during lunch and have a cool refreshing shower before nap time like I do?!!! Ah, well. Okay. Ill do a deal with you. I'll pretend to kill you in front of Cloud and the others to buy you some more time from Cloud and the group. Then somehow they can, a few months later, stupidly resurrect you or some crap like that. Okay?" I agreed with Sephiroth's idea - I couldn't embarrass myself in front of you guys. I hadta lay low for a while you see.  
  
Barret: I always wondered why Red XIII didn't talk much during the mission, now I know why!! Heh! You dirty cow.  
  
Cid: UGH...THINK I'M GONNA PUKE, YOU GODDAMN DIRTY BITCH!  
  
Then, for once, Yuffie said something intelligent.....  
  
Yuffie: Why are you complaining about that Cid?...You've been banging Cockabos all week like the rest of us!!!  
  
Cid: Yeah, you're right!!! Why are we doin' this shit anyway, Cockabo Bullocks Billy?!!!  
  
Cockabo Bulllocks Billy: UMM....SO Aeris, what did Sephiroth get out of this deal anyway?  
  
Aeris: Oh, yeah. I slipped this drug into Clouds drink to make him have feelings for Sephy. Sephy really wanted Cloud, and Cloud eventually really wanted him....with the help of the drug of course. Sephy eventually got his way with him at the Northern Crater.  
  
Cid: AHH, GEEZ!  
  
Cloud started to cry.  
  
Cid: Hey! Hey! Cockabo Bullocks Billy! You haven't answered my goddamn question! WHY are we fucking Cockabos?!!! Isn't there another way to produce F.F.7. merchandise?!  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: I like this............business. It ooooh *touches himself* gives me thrills...  
  
Everyone: HUH?!! WHAT THE.....  
  
Cockabo Bullocks Billy: You see, I'm not REALLY Cockabo Bullocks Billy. I merged myself with his soul to gain....HIS SUPREME KNOWLEDGE OF COCKABOS AFTER YOU DESTROYED ME AT THE MIDGAR CANNON!!!  
  
Everyone: HOJO?!!!  
  
Cloud: NO, NO......NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!!  
  
????: *Cue manic, over dramatic laughter* I merged with Cockabo Bullocks Billy and split my new body in two to create two evil twins!!! "Mojo, Hojo" and "Hojo, Mojo". AHH YESSSSS!!!! Feel the power coursing through my veins! The knowledge of the ancient Cockabo breeders running through my blood. MWAA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!  
  
END OF CHAPTER 1 


	2. Mwahahahahaha!

COCKABO FARM - CHAPTER 2  
  
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!  
  
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon  
  
Rated-R for the criminally insane  
  
All of a sudden the stable doors burst open again. But this time instead of Yuffie's annoying voice echoing around the room, the sound of cheesy 70`s disco throbbed and pounded between the flimsy barn walls.  
  
Mojo Hojo: YEAH, BABY!!! GROOVY BABY!!!! YEAH, GET DOWN!!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: EVIL TWIN......YOU'RE HERE!!!  
  
Mojo Hojo: YO!!! MY SOUL BROTHER!!! You didn't start the par-tay without me did you!!! WHASSUP?!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: I conned these no-hopers into thinking I was breeding F.F.7. Cockabos for profit!!! All the time, I was really tossing off!!! MWHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!  
  
Mojo Hojo: ALRIGHT!!! Did ya tape it?  
  
Hojo Mojo: YEP!!! Ya can watch it later. I'll also prepare some new matings soon!!!  
  
Barret: THE FUCK YOU ARE! YOU SCREWED UP PAIR OF FUCKERS! I ain't stayin round here fer much longer! C'mon Cloud, we gettin outta here. We gettin offa this train. This train we on don't make no stops!....  
  
Cloud: HUH?!!! Ahh, the music! The disco! THE SOUL TRAIN!!! Yo, Barret my soul brother!!! Get down!!! WOO, HOO!!!  
  
Aeris: OOOH, Cloud! You got it baby! Mmmmmm........COME HERE! LEMME BUMP N GRIND WIT CHA BABY!!!! YEAH! YEAH!  
  
Mojo Hojo: YEAH!!! WHOO YEAH!!! LEMME JOIN! HA , HA, HA STAYIN` ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: ENOUGH!!!! How dare ya turn this music down? There that's it. At last peace and quiet.  
  
Mojo Hojo: O......MAN!!! I was just picking up the vibes man!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: I thought you wanted to watch this new Cockabo porn flick?  
  
Tifa: The one with us in it?!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: Pipe down in ya cage you!  
  
Ten minutes later Hojo Mojo placed an untitled cassette into the V.C.R. The sounds of two men jerking off could be heard with the frequent sound of semen splatting against the T.V. screen.  
  
Cloud: Pssssst! How are we gonna get outta here?  
  
????: Mmmmm.......mmmmm.........mmmmmmmm..............mmmmmmmmmmmmm......YESSSSSSS SS.......  
  
Cloud: Who the hell is in the cage next to me?!!!! [pause] is anyone listening?! You bunch of fuckheads you've all gone asleep?!!! So who the fuck......  
  
????: AHHHH......YESSSSSS..........CLOUD.........MMMMMM.....  
  
Cloud: DAMN SEPHIROTH! You playing with your sword again?!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: MMMMMMM......My masamune is sooo long and shiny. Mmmmm.....I.....feel its power.....growing!!!! Mmmmmm!!!! CLOUD!!! AHH AHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE SHE BLOWS!!!  
  
Cloud: So you can talk again can you? You're one crazed son of a bitch, Sephiroth but I love ya......HUH?!!!! I mean.....GEEZ.....FUCK! I HATE YA! Ya BIG poof!  
  
Sephiroth: HA, HA, HA! So you wanna get outta here do ya? First of all we'll have to find a way to work together. Start digging a hole into my stable....  
  
Cloud naively agreed. Later.......  
  
Cloud: THERE DONE IT!  
  
Sephiroth scrambled through the hole.  
  
Cloud: WHOA! You're keen to get outta here!....Sephiroth?!!! Why are you looking at me like that? FUCK OFF! LEAVE MY PANTS ALONE! YOU FUCKER! YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME!  
  
Sephiroth: MMMMMM.....MWAHHAHA HAA!  
  
Cloud: OWW!!! Get that thing outta me!!! I'm NOT gay, you poof! I'M NOT GAY!!! O, but your sooooo BIG! HARDER, SEPHIROTH!!! C`MON FUCK ME, YOU BIG MUTHA FUCKER! AHHHHH!  
  
Sephiroth: YES!!!  
  
Cloud: YESS!!!  
  
Barret: HUH? What's that noise?  
  
Barret looked to the stable opposite him.  
  
Barret: CLOUD! You cannot be serious! HOW COULD YOU! You never said! I thought you were really into Aeris?!! At least if you're not gonna fuck her anymore, FUCK ME FIRST!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE, MAN!  
  
Sephiroth: AHHHHH!  
  
Cloud: AHHHHHH!!! Mmmmm. THAT WAS GOOD!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud, YOU ARE ONE GOOD LAY!  
  
Barret: I know I look ilke a BIG ol' butch guy but I like to indulge in homosexual fantasies from time to time. Cloud lemme poke ya some time, ok?  
  
Cloud: I'M, I'M....I'M NOT GAY!  
  
Seohiroth: OH, PUR-LEASE!!! DONT GIVE US THAT CRAP!  
  
Cloud: That, that, that.....was my other side that came out just a few moments ago!  
  
Barret: YEAH, RIGHT! That's about as real as Tifa's tits!  
  
Tifa: WHAT, WHAT WHAT! YOU SAY SOMTHIN BARRET?!!!!  
  
Barret: Ah, no, no, no! I jus' said if we gonna git outta here, we gotta throw some hits....something like that anyway.....  
  
Tifa: OH, GOOD IDEA!!! YEAH, NICE ONE!!!?.....Cloud, what cha doin in Sephiroth's stable?!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Umm.....Er.....ERM....that's it! Sephiroth was lonely so I came...er....I mean dug a hole into his stable to give him company that's all....  
  
Tifa: CAME!? COMPANY?!!!  
  
Cloud: NO! NO! Its NOTHING LIKE THAT! HA.......HA......HA AHEM. He started talking normally and got upset. Y`know started crying.  
  
Sephiroth: WHY YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER!  
  
Tifa: So....I won't ask why your pants are around your ankles then?  
  
Cloud: DAMN! I jus......  
  
Tifa: Don't worry Cloud....I always suspected. Just don't come near me, okay? You better not let you know who know either. She'll have you quartered and hung up by your neck!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, Aeris probably would.  
  
Aeris: * YAWN* Someone say my name?  
  
Tifa: Yeah, Mary Poppins, I did. Get your ass outta bed! We're movin out as soon as I gotta plan!  
  
Aeris: DUH! Don't ya think I would've already if it weren't for this crappy stable!......PLASTIC BIMBO!  
  
Tifa: CUT THE CRAP! Be serious now....OK? Anyway, I thought you liked fucking Cockabos?  
  
Aeris: LOOK! The only penis accessible to me at the moment is Big Floppy Donkey Dick over there, okay?! So, yeah, I'll admit it...I LIKE BANGING COCKABO'S, ALRIGHT!!?  
  
Tifa: Hmmmmmm.......Riiiiiiiiight...I suggest tomorrow......  
  
Cloud: Hey.....Hey.......Pipe down. I can hear Mojo Hojo and Hojo Mojo talking to eachother! Let's listen in....  
  
Hojo Mojo: Weren't bad was it, Mojo? Although, I would've liked the matings to have been more disgusting. And they're not mating as much as I would've liked either.  
  
Mojo Hojo: It was GOOD! But cha need more of em fucking! What about Sephiroth and Barret? They done any yet?  
  
Hojo Mojo: I don't think their interested. HEY! I know we could drug 'em.... OOOOOOOOH, and get some sex toys!!!! Yes, that would be down right dirty!!!  
  
Mojo Hojo: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! Looks like its a visit to the Cockabo Sage tomorrow then!!!  
  
Cloud: That's disgusting....  
  
Cid: I ain't fucking another Cockabo! I want the real thing! I want out!  
  
Tifa: Hmm....If they're leaving the barn tomorrow, we can plan our escape....  
  
Everyone: Agreed.  
  
And so the next morning arose on the plains around the Cockabo farm. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. It was like heaven on earth. But the barn itself was a disgrace, bottles of Evian lay strewn across the floor along with used Kleenex tissues....  
  
Mojo Hojo: YO! YO! Soul brother! My main man! Wake up!  
  
Hojo Mojo: GEEZ, that was a long night. OW! My head! Too much of the strong stuff! OW, GEEZ!  
  
Cid: Strong stuff?!!!! My arse!!!! Getting pissed on bottled water?!!!! The bunch of poofs!!!!  
  
Mojo Hojo: COME ON! Gotta get to Cockabo Sage, Hojo Mojo!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo: Ah, yes! Of course we have!  
  
Hojo Mojo paced the aisle in between the stables to find his semen stained lab coat.  
  
Hojo Mojo: You're up bright and early, Sephiroth. What are you reading?  
  
Sephiroth: I'm just flicking through the latest copy of "Vague". Oh, look doesn't that green silky dress just look fabulous on Tyra Wanks. I soooo envy Kate Moss pasty complexion.  
  
Hojo Mojo: YEEEEEEAH...we're just popping out for a while. I'm gonna bring you home a few pressies!!!! They should make you real excited!!! ^_^;;  
  
Sephiroth: OH, GOODY!!!  
  
Hojo Mojo and Mojo Hojo: BYE, EVERYONE!  
  
Cid: Damn, how the fuck do we open these stable doors?  
  
Tifa: Maybe, I can kick mine down....Hi-Yah! Spinning bird kick! *THUMP* Karate thunderstorm burning lava tornado swift freezing ice earth rage attack!!!!.......DAMN, it didn't do anything!  
  
Aeris: Uh, you guys. Why don't you just open the door like mine...see?  
  
Cid: Do you mean to tell me that ALL the time you could open your door?!!!  
  
Aeris: YEAH! ITS EASY! Just turn the handle like this....  
  
Cid: Our doors are locked on the outside fuckin bimbo! Now get the fuck over here and open up our stables! Dumb Bitch!  
  
Aeris: OH, OKAY CID!!!! Ill do that!!!  
  
Aeris unlocks everyone's doors.  
  
Cid: 'Bout time, whore. Y'know, you gotta start using your head more then your cun......  
  
Aeris: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!  
  
Cid: Oh, come on! Its the truth, ain't it! Fuckin flower girl my arse! How the fuck do ya sell flowers to the fuckin thugs in Midgar? You just a liar! You probably on the streets spreading your legs fer anyone an' anythin' fer 1 gil!  
  
Cloud: That's not true. I bought a flower from her.  
  
Cid: Yeah, she probably only carried them around to mask the smell of that pussy!  
  
Aeris: Boo, Hoo * SOB*. You're such a meany Cid!!!  
  
Cid: Ah, shut it. Y'know its all true! Yer know your a dirty slut! I mean fucking Red XIII! Ugh! Yuk! You probably got rabies as well as pubic lice! Ugh! It's not safe hanging round you! Might catch somethin!!!  
  
Barret: Alright, Cid! Stop the shit slinging! It's gettin on my tits!  
  
Tifa: Lets get outta here! We can ride out on my Cockabo!  
  
Cloud: We can't ride on that thing! Its tits are too BIG! They'll be knocking about in the wind! The poor thing will have two black eyes by the end of the day!  
  
Tifa: HEY!!! That's a great name for my Cockabo!!! "Two Black Eyes". Yeah, Cool!!!  
  
Cloud: We can't ride that thing!  
  
Tifa: Oh, yes we can. Ill just sling its tits over its shoulders for now and tape 'em down! ^_^  
  
Barret: It'll do fer now. When we get to Junon, we'll get someone to give it a breast reduction.  
  
Sephiroth: UMMMM.....Yummy! ^.^ Do you mind if I cook the breasts afterwards? Cockabo breasts are a delicious rarity y'know.  
  
Barret: You can do what da hell you want with them. Hell, you can gut them and make yer mum a nice tea cosy if yer like. I don't give a shit!  
  
So, the group of 7 set out from Cockabo farm, across Midgar marshes and headed towards Junon....  
  
END OF CHAPTER 1  
  
Kal (Restamon) : Hey, hope you liked this retarded piece of fan fiction. ^_^;; Chapter 3 will be up soon. It's BIGGER, BETTER, a load of BULLOCKS and spilling up from a toilet near you soon!! 


End file.
